The Diva of Divorce and her dream honeymoon… where guests pay

Miss Vardag, 46, and Dr Bence, 42, an astrophysicist who is director of
strategy at Vardags law firm, will marry in Winchester Cathedral in a little
over six weeks before a reception at their home nearby.

Miss Vardag, who is getting married for the second time, admits the website is
“shockingly romantic”. In less charitable legal quarters it has been branded
“toe curling”.

It gives details on everything from her engagement ring, hairdresser and
make-up artist to how friends can pay for her honeymoon, including flights,
accommodation and even a day out shopping in San Francisco.

The website includes a close-up photograph of Miss Vardag’s engagement ring,
inlaid with diamonds and a central peridot gemstone, of which she says it
“spoke to me just as peridots spoke to Cleopatra thousands of years ago”.
The website explains that peridots “match both Stephen’s and my eyes”. The
ring cost £20,000.

^{The peridot engagement ring}

Under what to wear, Miss Vardag makes a plea for her guests “to wear all the
colours of the rainbow” to reflect her own diverse background as “a Pashtun
princess” and “Oxford bluestocking”. But women are warned: “Please watch out
for stilettos — partly for our wooden floors and partly lest you sink slowly
backwards into the lawn.”

With properties in Winchester, London and Italy, the couple, who have five
children between them, have eschewed the more normal gift register.

Miss Vardag writes: “After years of having homes, we have lots of vases and
dishes and napkins and the like. What we really thrill to is travel, and
that is the gift that would make us genuinely happy.

“From the day I met Stephen I have wanted to go to Hawaii. He read
Astrophysics at Cambridge for his PhD and did his field work up a giant
mountain in Hawaii.

“We have said for years, therefore, that if we married we would go to Hawaii
on honeymoon, and indeed so we shall. If you wish to give us a wedding gift,
therefore, please buy us a piece of that trip.”

Miss Vardag has posted their itinerary, beginning with £800 flights to San
Francisco and finishing with £600 flights back to London from New York,
taking in Hawaii along the way.

Guests are also asked to pay a contribution to a “romantic evening excursion …
to the summit of Mauna Kea” at a cost of £150 each; cocktails at the Alaloa
Lounge (£25) in Kahului; a day trip to Pearl Harbour (£106); and a shopping
trip in San Francisco (£200) among other things.

^{Just some of the gifts guests can select}

Miss Vardag, who grew up in Oxford, has enjoyed a stellar rise. She previously
worked for Ray Tooth, the cigar smoking lawyer nicknamed Jaws for his
fearsome reputation.

Mr Tooth advised her on her divorce from her first husband and she then went
to work for him.

In 2005, Miss Vardag set up her own firm Vardags, of which she is chairman,
and has worked on several high profile divorces, including Katrin Radmacher,
a German heiress, who refused to give her husband money on their divorce on
the grounds that he had signed a prenuptial contract.

The case made legal history when judges ruled that the contract should be
upheld, preserving Miss Radmacher’s £100 million fortune, even though
English law had — until that point — not recognised such deals.

Miss Vardag has also represented Lady Northampton in her £17 million divorce;
Michelle Young, whose husband was jailed for failing to comply with court
orders amid claims he tried to hide his real wealth; the wives of two Arab
sheikhs; and a former Miss Malaysia reported to be seeking half her
husband’s £440 million fortune in one of the most expensive divorces ever.

Not everybody is enamoured with the wedding website. Roll on Friday, a legal
website that often takes a mischievous side swipe at lawyers, described it
as “toe curling”. The website says: “As guests will now have gathered,
Ayesha is very, very rich.

“As Ayesha says, they already have ‘lots of vases and dishes and napkins and
the like’. So guests are encouraged to make a donation to a worthy charity.
Nah, only joking. They are asked to chip into the couple’s honeymoon in
Hawaii.”

Miss Vardag said: “Wherever you find someone who has found happiness or
success or tries to do anything differently you find people in their wake
being snarky and bitchy and doing them down, especially anonymously. Often
those people are rather lonely or envious.

“Being a divorce lawyer doesn’t stop me from being shockingly romantic. I
think when you’ve been divorced yourself, and seen your clients suffer in
cruel or cold relationships, it makes you appreciate it all the more when
you find someone that makes you stronger and happier.”

She said asking people to pay for parts of their honeymoon allowed friends who
wanted to give a wedding present to do so.

“We’ve tried to do the same as having a wedding list at a shop, but since,
being grown-ups now, we’ve already got the usual wedding list things. We’d
rather have experiences,” she explained. “It feels more special than a bunch
of things we don’t need.”

She said both she and her fiancé wanted the prenup. “It is better to agree
between us than leave it [the division of our wealth] up to the courts,” she
said.

According to Debrett’s, the bible of British etiquette, it is entirely
acceptable for couples to request that guests contribute to their honeymoon.

Debrett’s said: “Many couples are able to plan the honeymoon of a lifetime
with the help of their wedding guests. Some [travel] companies offer
itemised lists where guests can contribute towards specific elements of
holiday. For example, hotel accommodation, hire car, transfers, a meal in a
specific restaurant, diving expenses, ski passes, boat trips etc.

“It is a nice gesture for the couple to take a photograph of special events or
elements of the honeymoon that were bought for them to send to the guest
with their thank you letter.”